Pink Patriot - My desire is to share with you the journey God has me on. Whether in joy hardship, I hope that my blog offers a place of respite, and bring joy to your heart!
Happy Monday. A while back ago my friend Casey texted me the video for MercyMe’s latest song “Even If,” and it has become my theme song during this season. Music encourages my heart so much and I feel like I could have written this song. It is like the lyrics have come out of my own journal. If you need a pick me up today take a listen to this. I promise you it will make your day better.
Also, be sure to check back tomorrow for the next post in the Nehemiah Series!
In 2014, I wrote a post titled “Hope a Little More,” and now almost three years later it seems appropriate again. I wrote that post prior to a major surgery after finding out my colon had shut down. I honestly had no idea what to expect in the future. Fast forward two years later and I am finding myself in the same boat, but instead of my colon it is now my bladder that is causing me to have so many problems. I have been on antibiotics for almost a year now continually, and my infection went sepsis a month ago, and I am now on super strong treatments over the next couple of months.
On Monday, I went to Charlotte to see Dr. K’s (urologist) physicians assistant. Usually my time with her is not very productive and Monday’s visit was much of the same. However, she did tell me that she thought my options surgically were limited and that even if I had surgery that my quality of life from these infections would not improve. She also mentioned two other small options for treatment but those may not work either and I would have to wait for final decisions from Dr. K. Unfortunately, I am not scheduled to see him until October and no matter how many times I have tried they will not move up the appointment date.
The conclusion for now is that nothing else can really be done except to treat the infection until it cannot be treated anymore. The PA wants me to stay on my treatment plan with the Infectious Disease doctor and do what he says until I see Dr. K in October. Even though I knew this was most likely the case going in, and is something my parents and I have discussed many times, it is still hard to hear. No matter how prepared you are, no one wants to hear that nothing else can be done.
Currently, I am on an antibiotic treatment for two more months and then we will figure out the next treatment plan after that. Hopefully the one I am on now will continue to work well for the duration of the time I am on it, but it may not. The only thing we can do is keep doing what we are doing and pray, pray, pray! The main goal right now is to keep it from going sepsis again.
I am a planner by nature and I like to have a plan and timeline, but I have no idea how long we can make the treatments work or when the infection will get bad again. I have been reminded this week more than ever that I’m not the one in charge of my life, plans, or desires, but Jesus is. He alone knows what my future holds and my trust in Him is being pushed to another level. My dear friend Kristin texted earlier this week and said that I was going to get to know God in a unique and new way through this. She also mentioned that this is the type of surrender and trust that can only come from a situation like this –the kind we can only get when situations are completely forced out of our hands. She is right, and even though this week has been hard, God has continued to carry and give me hope with each new day.
One passage that has comforted me lately is Psalm 27:13-14 which states,
“I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would have seen the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord;Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord.”
Moving forward I am going to find the good in each day and enjoy the little things God brings my way. I will also allow His courage to carry me, and most importantly,
I will not lose hope because of Jesus. He is HOPE, and it my privilege to serve Him all of my days.
As one of my favorite songs from “For King and Country” says,
“I will dance a little, laugh a little, and hope a little more.”
Thanks to everyone one for your continued prayers. Pray that the doctors have wisdom for future treatments and that this current round of treatment continues to work. Pray for my parents as they continue to care for me. I know it’s not easy for them!either so please pray for their encouragement. Also, pray that that we have peace beyond our understanding no matter the outcome, and that we are able to “hope a little more” each day. Thanks so much.
Wow! I cannot believe it is May 1 already! Spring is flying by and soon we will be in the middle of summer. I am enjoying this weather though, and am looking forward to time in the pool when summer comes.
I hope you all had a lovely weekend. Mine was okay. The massive amounts of antibiotic treatments I take each day are wiping me out. I have not been sleeping well, but the past few nights I’ve been able to rest better — praise Jesus! The status of my health is steady. I’m still not feeling well and am extremely weak, but these antibiotics are keeping the infection from getting worse so I am thankful for that.
My weekend has been very relaxing. Along with sleep, I was finally able to finish some audiobooks that I had been listening to. On days where I feel the worst it is hard for me to read so audiobooks are now my favorite. Some of the ones I have recently finished are:
Cape Refuge by Terri Blackstock,
This Life I live by Rory Feek,
Murphy’s Law by Rhys Bowen,
Chloe by Lyn Cote
These are great reads and if you haven’t done so already, you should check them out. I will try to post some reviews soon.
The bright spot of my weekend was the weekly visit from my aunt Ellen and her granddaughter Lexi. Lexi is just like a niece to me and I love the bond that we share. We have so much fun together, and Lexi and Mimi time always makes me feel better. 
This morning I have an appointment with a nurse practitioner at my urology office in Charlotte. Every time I have seen my urologist in the past, I am required to see his nurse practitioner first. However, nothing is ever accomplished at these visits. Basically the purpose of this appointment is for paperwork and logistics. Kim (the NP) usually very briefly discusses my case and then tells me I will have to wait and see what Dr. Kinnelly says at the next appointment. The sad part is that I do not have an appointment scheduled with him until October. I am on a cancellation wait list though, and keep praying for an earlier spot to open up. I have no expectations for today’s visit, but in order for me to keep my appointment in October, I have to go to this one. I have been told over and over that I will not get to see Dr. K until October no matter what. Although, God is a God of the impossible so we shall see.
Sometimes I do not understand the world of medicine, especially the way Dr. K’s practice works. Although, even though they have not been urologists, I am thankful for the good medical staff God has put in my path over the last several months. It has not been easy but the Lord continues to protect and carry me through. Thanks to each of you for your continued prayers, encouraging notes, calls, and texts. Your support means the world to me!
“I thank God every time I remember you.” ~ Philippians 1:3
Hello all! It’s the end of the week! Yay! Yesterday on the blog, I talked about Nehemiah and what he teaches us about prayer (read that post here).
Along with that I recently heard a helpful podcast from Leslie Ludy at Setapartgirl on improving your prayer life. It is super encouraging and challenging, and was exactly the message I needed to hear this week. Take a moment this weekend and listen to it. Her other podcasts are wonderful as well, and they always point me back to Christ.
The ministry of Setapartgirl has been a great encouragement to me during this hard season. I can be having a bad day and turn on one of these episodes and I they always remind me to fix my gaze on Christ and spend time in the Word.
Listen to “How to Make Prayer a Priority,” here. I hope you all have a great weekend! For other helpful resources visit the Setapartgirl website here.
“How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered!
I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand.” ~Psalm 139:17-18
Happy Monday, dear friends! Even though my infection is improving, I am still not getting a lot of sleep, but I am thankful for books to read during the long days and nights. Over the weekend, I read Robin Jones Gunn’s book called “Sandy Toes.” It’s a continuation of her Christy and Todd series. Anyways, throughout the book Robin quoted the passage found in Psalm 139:17-18 where it says God loves us more than all the grains of sand. I’ve read this passage more times than I can count over the years but the past few days it has been the reminder my longing soul has needed.
It’s impossible to number all the grains of sand, but God’s love is so much greater than that. It is hard for our human minds to comprehend but these verses share the enormity of His love. While reading the passage last night a lightbulb went off in my head and I thought,
“God loves me this much so why am I worried and anxious?” Why am I discontent? With this type of love from the Lord I should never worry about anything again no matter how hard things may be.”
God loves us deeply and in return wants us to trust Him. He delights in our surrender and wants us to go through life living restfully in Him.”
God has proven time and time again His great love for me and as mentioned in previous posts, I need to let go of my stubbornness and let Him love and lead me. Below is a statement that I need to tell myself daily, and I pray that it is one that you will say to yourself as well.
“Instead of fighting so hard on your own, let Jesus fight all your battles, and accept the peace He gives while He is doing so.”
Because of His perfect love, He will never lead us astray even though we may not always understand His plans. It is also because of His love, that when the view ahead seems bleak, we can still manage to have joy and not be afraid. If you need some encouragement today, read Psalm 139 and be reminded of how deep God knows and loves you. He knows you better than anyone ever will and that is such a precious gift. Let His deep love change and guide you.
Be sure to visit the blog tomorrow as I start a new Blog series focusing on the book of Nehemiah.
Happy Friday. Lately, I’ve been listening to hymns and one I have recently had on repeat is “I Need Thee Every Hour” from Joey and Rory Feek. Joey is one of my favorite voices and I could listen to her sing continually. Music has always been deep comfort for my soul, especially if I’m in a difficult season and my view seems bleak. When I’m having a hard day, Joey’s hymns are the first thing I think of. I can play her music and as I sing along and listen to the lyrics written about the Savior, my mind and heart instantly calm. I am so thankful for how the Lord ministers and binds up the wounded heart through music. It is such a gift to me, and many others. 
My other favorite comfort music comes from Amy Grant. I don’t think there is one song of hers I dislike. Years ago when I had numerous surgeries I remember listening to Amy Grant songs over and over again on my cd Walkman before the iPod days. Even then, the words of timeless hymns was a balm to my young heart. I would always keep “The Collection” album by Amy on repeat.
I do not know what you are facing today but I want to leave you with the hymn, I Need Thee Every Hour.” Take some time to stop whatever you are doing and listen to the words and allow God to bring rest to your soul. My prayer is that it will encourage you like it has me this week.
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. Last fall, I started a weekly series on Nehemiah, but due to health issues failed to finish it. Although, I plan to start again next week so stay tuned for that.
Thanks again for all the continued prayers for me and my family. They mean the world to us and we are so thankful for you!
I Need Thee Every Hour Video –
Hello friends. I have had a busier week than normal for me the past few days and even though I’m exhausted and weak, I have a thankful heart.
I had a wonderful Easter with family and have been strong enough to be out of bed for small amounts of time this week. I still have a long road ahead but I’m thankful for a treatment plan that is working more than the others have, and for friends and family who make my days easier. Today I had a visit from one of my best friends Casey and her adorable son Malakai. We have not got to see each other much lately but I’m so glad today worked out. I was also able to talk with another close friend Erin which always encourages my soul. Sweet kiddos and good conversations with friends always makes me feel better.
One of my favorite Bible passages is found in 1 Thessalonians 3:16-18. It states,
“Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In everything give thanks for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 
My mind keeps coming back to the last verse where it mentions “in everything give thanks.” That does not mean for when things are going the way we planned or when we consider life is good. No, it truly means in all things. With Easter being this past weekend, I was reminded once again of the beauty and truth of the Gospel. Even though my life is hard and some days I don’t see outside my bedroom, God is still good and He is flooding my heart with things I have to be thankful for. So today I praise Him for a little progress and the simple things that have brought joy today. Earlier as I was thinking on these things, peace came over me and my perspective got a little brighter. Being thankful can make your day better even if circumstances do not change. Spend some time thinking over your week and thank God for the things He has blessed you with.
Fill your heart and mind with thanksgiving and joy you did not think was possible will come.
Sweet Malakai
Happy Wednesday friends. It’s the middle of the week and I pray wherever you are that your week is going well. It is a rainy Wednesday here. I’ve been awake since 4am. I’m not getting much sleep these days due to pain and not being able to relax. I can definitely relate to the moms out there who have to be up all hours of the night. It is not fun but I’m hoping as the infections improve that I will start sleeping better. It’s only 11:30am and I feel like it’s already been a long day.
I had an appointment with the infectious disease doctor in Gastonia earlier today. Overall that went well. Last time he treated me with a one time dose of meds through the iv. This is a new drug that’s very powerful and it stays in your system 4-6 weeks. In addition,he also prescribed an extremely large dose of oral antibiotics each day. Overall, I am seeing some improvement so he is going to keep me on the same oral dose for three more months. These meds are harsh and hard on my system but if my infection stays down it’s worth it. Doing the infusion again soon is another option if I need it. While it is good these meds are working, I eventually will be resistant and they will have to do something else. Once I go off meds it is guaranteed the infection will return. Basically it will always be there but the meds help control it. I see a urology nurse practitioner in May and then the urologist in October. My case is so complicated most doctors don’t want to treat my bladder issues. However, in October and maybe even May, I will know if surgery is an option or not. Hopefully these antibiotics will continue to help the infection and allow me to build my strength up. This summer my prayer is to be out of bed more and able to get in the pool each day, but we shall see.
I am trying to live with the attitude of gratitude today and so thankful for these small improvements. I still have a long road ahead but I’m so thankful for Jesus who carries me each step of the way.
When I am weak He is strong (2 Corinthians 12:9).
Thanks again to all of my prayer warriors who daily lift me up to the Father. It means the world to me and my family!
This past weekend has been a humbling one, and I needed this timely reminder of what Jesus has done for me.
No matter how many trials I face, there is nothing He does not understand due to His death and resurrection. Instead of complaining about my current season, I realized that I am so undeserving of the Lord’s grace and love. He deserves all my praises not just when life is good but in the sufferings as well. It doesn’t matter how unfaithful we are, the Lord is always faithful to us. His love knows no end. Certain circumstances may make it difficult for us to view life from this perspective, but the Lord uses all things — joys as well as sorrows — for His glory.
As Philippians 1:21 states, “To live is Christ and to die is gain.” It should be my privilege to serve and rejoice in Christ on a daily basis despite the struggles I face. I may never know the reasons God allows me to suffer in this life but I will understand when I get to Heaven and that is all the explanation I need.
The Lord never stops working in our lives no matter how hard some days can be. Because of my chronic infections, I spend the majority of my days at home laying in my hospital bed. This allows me a lot of time to read, pray, and dwell on both the struggles and joys of life. On my sickest days I tend to worry and fret about what is to come and create many “what-if” scenarios in my mind (I think we have all been guilty of this at some point). Last week in my pondering I told God,
“Lord if I were healthy, I would be serving you in Africa or somewhere overseas. If I could, and if I were healthy just think of all the ministries I would be involved with?”
Then the Lord hit me hard with His response. After thinking and praying, I felt the Lord say,
“Amelia, you said you would be willing to go anywhere and do anything for me so how about living fully right where you are? This is where I want you and am using you for my glory. This is your ministry. I am using you more here than I would be using you in Africa because you are not meant for Africa — You are meant for here. This is your Africa. So child, be obedient to me and share what I am teaching you during this season.”
Wow, what a wakeup call from King Jesus. While overseas ministries are much needed, and working in a church Ministry full-time would be wonderful, God is showing me once again that I can be in ministry for Him even from a hospital bed. This is not what I had in mind by the time I was 32, but this is where God has me. Therefore, I desire to be obedient and make the best of the life He has given. As scripture points out, God often uses our weaknesses for His strength.
You may not be dealing with health issues but I know we all have our trials. I want you to be encouraged that God is using you even on the worst of days. He loves you more than you can imagine so continue to press into Him, and allow Him to work.
Throw out your expectations and desires. Instead, surrender to what the Lord has for you. Only then will you be content.
Let go of the pride or whatever is holding you back. It may not be easy but the Lord will carry you.
It is my desire to write more and share what God is teaching me in what I would call the most mundane of circumstances. However, beauty and joy can be found in the mundane so I look forward to sharing with you more of my journey in a series called “The View Looks Fine From Here.”
Also, thanks to all my prayer warriors who are praying for me daily. It means the world to me. I have an appointment with my infectious disease doctor tomorrow so I will post more details following that. I hope everyone has a great day!
Happy Monday,ya’ll, and what a Monday it has been. I had an appointment this morning at my general practitioner. However, when I woke today I knew I would not be going anywhere. I felt bad all over with pain, nausea, and fever. As sad as it has made me to think this — all signs were leading toward infection, infection, infection. In perfect timing my doctor called right after that and said the urine culture taken last week was positive. This means that following a two week dose of super strong antibiotics both iv and oral, my bladder grew the same bacteria again. Basically the infection never totally went away. The treatments worked well enough to get it out of my blood stream but did not eradicate it completely. My GP decided to treat it with an oral antibiotic for the next couple of days, but in the end I will probably need something a bit stronger. The bacteria I am growing is extremely resistant and one of the most difficult ones to treat. I called my infectious disease doctor but he is not in this week. However, I have an appointment with him next Monday and I am praying that this antibiotic will control things until then.
If I am being honest today has been a bit heartbreaking. I knew another infection would come around but I did not want it to be so soon. As I have spent the day praying and crying out to God for wisdom and help, He reminded me of this verse found in Psalm 147 – “The Lord heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” As hard as today has been God has not left my side. He knows better than anyone how I am feeling, and in the midst of my suffering He gives me a comfort that only He can. He is carrying me through each moment. As I say often, the Lord knows my love language and encourages me in ways that no other person ever could.
I don’t know what you are facing today but I know that life can be so hard, and that I am not the only one going through trials. There are many things we may not understand on this earth, but take heart that God is with you and He will give you peace beyond all understanding. Cry out to Him. Tell Him what you are feeling, and talk to Him like you would your best friend. He is the Great Physician and He can make the impossible possible.
I want to say thank you once again to those of you who have been praying me through this journey. That means more than you will ever know! Over the next few days as you think of it please pray that this antibiotic responds well and that I do not go sepsis again. Also, pray for me and the doctors to have wisdom in regards to future treatments. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I would love to pray for you as well so please let me know how you need prayer.
I will update again soon and hope you all have a great week.
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