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Articles, Christian Living, Devotionals, Disability, Family, Friendship, The View Looks Fine From Here

Hospice, Hospital beds, Oxygen, and Super Heroes Oh My!

Hospice, Hospital beds, lift chairs, oxygen, and super heroes oh my! I titled my post that because the past few weeks have been crazy with so much happening healthwise. My once cute room is now filled with multiple medical supplies. I laugh just thinking about what might be brought in next. Haha! When my friend Kristin visited a few weeks ago she brought super hero decorations and decorated my equipment. It was fitting because lately I have needed an extra dose of super hero power in my days. It is hilarious and I love it.

On to other health news, for months many of you have prayed for the Lord to provide a miracle and to allow there to be a cancellation with Dr Kinnelly in Charlotte so I could see him before October. God heard your prayers and he had some last minute cancellations recently, and I was so happy to receive that telephone call. However, the end result was not what we wanted to hear, but I was also not surprised. It is a long story but Dr. K was not respectful of my time or the suffering that I’ve experienced. His bedside manner is not the best but he is brilliant. I was in his office for three hours and by the end was exhausted. Basically he had not reviewed any of my files and had no idea what was going on. At first he tried to say my problems might not be infection related. But when he finally realized the true facts of my condition he said that unfortunately nothing else could be done except for what we were already doing.

The root of my problem is that my bladder cannot fully empty which in turn causes chronic infections. Also, because I have a neurogenic bladder from CP, it continues to get more sluggish over time. Due to the bladder surgeries I have had earlier in life nothing else can be done surgically for this either. Therefore, I will continue to treat these infections until they can’t be treated anymore under the guidance of my infectious disease doctor and hospice. Fast forward a few weeks to now.

The week before last I felt a flare up with my bladder starting. However, because of being on antibiotics continually the test came back with a false reading. The result was negative and I was hoping it would stay away for a while but it didn’t. Days later I ended up in the ER. critically ill with a kidney infection that went sepsis so I spent a few days in the hospital. Had I not went in when I did, I would not have made it through the night. I will forever be thankful for the room full of nurses and doctors frantically working with me trying to get me in stable condition. Praise Jesus the treatments they gave me has attacked the infection and has worked the best of any medications I have had recently. I came home now and still on some powerful antibiotics which seem to be working. Unfortunately the meds I’m on are making me extremely nauseous. The side effects are brutal and even worse because of how weak I am, but worth if it keeps the infection under control. I have also been referred to another ID doctor in Charlotte. I had the opportunity to Skype with him recently and was very impressed. There is no cure for my situation but he seemed hopeful about possible treatments to keep infections down for longer periods of time. My appointment with him is on August 9th so my prayer is that I can hold my own and not have to go to the hospital again before then.

Overall, my prognosis can be discouraging at times, but I am grateful to know the facts and that we are doing everything that can possibly be done to help me.. We are all on the same page with things and I am glad for that. That is what I’ve been praying for. I am a realist and like to know the truth of the matter even if it is not what I want to hear.

If I dwell on my situation too much, it can be scary with so much uncertainty for my future and health. But my hope is in Jesus and no matter what doctors say, or how bad the infection may be, God is greater than all of that. As Amy Carmichael says, “In acceptance lieth peace.” Accepting circumstances is not giving up. It is being content with Jesus wherever He has you. Acceptance brings peace.“[clickToTweet tweet=”Accepting circumstances is not giving up. It is being content with Jesus wherever He has you. Acceptance brings peace.” quote=”Accepting circumstances is not giving up. It is being content with Jesus wherever He has us. Acceptance brings peace.”]”

God and I have had 32 years together and He has never let me down and has brought me through the fire so many times. This week God keeps bringing Lamentations 3:22-23 to mind. It states, “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” [clickToTweet tweet=”Because of God’s compassion and faithfulness , our suffering does not have to consume us because His love never fails” quote=”Because of God’s compassion and faithfulness , our suffering does not have to consume us because His love never fails”].

In the midst of hard days, God has also provided some amazing encouragement through the people in my life. In addition to the hospice nurses and therapists, over the past few weeks I have had wonderful company from friends and family from both near and far. Not everyone in what I call my inner circle – lives nearby but my people have shown up and I have the best community of friends a girl could ask for. My favorite part of the last few weeks has been the quality time I’ve spent with friends, especially friends I don’t get to see often because of where they live. There is nothing sweeter than visiting with best friends and loved ones. I’m so humbled and blessed by the people God has put in my life over the years and these sweet friends of mine ( you know who you are) have been with me through thick and thin. Thanks to everyone for the visits, calls, notes, gifts, and most importantly thank you for all the prayers. I’m so grateful for the mighty group of prayer warriors who daily lift me up to the Father, and for holding me up when I’m weak. I am forever thankful to each one of you. Your prayers and support gives me strength to press on, and a reason to hope a little more with each day that comes.. I love you all and hope you are enjoying your summer holiday. My prayer for you this weekend is that you would spend time at the feet of Jesus and find rest for your souls.

Articles, Christian Living, Devotionals, Disability, Family, Friendship, Holidays

Health Update – Hope a Little More Part 3

As I lay here in my bed not able to sleep I’m thinking about how crazy things have been. The last week or so has been a whirlwind to say the least. If you have been following my journey you know that I’ve been sick for the past year but these last few weeks have taken things to a whole new level.

First, I was transferred to Hospice care, but that is a Godsend and I’m so thankful for their services. We then spent time introducing me to the program and adjusting my meds/care as needed. Unfortunately during this process I began having more pain, nausea, and my fluid retention had worsened. When the nurse examined me on Thursday we thought my system was reacting to the new medication plan so we decided to move me to Hospice House for a few days in hopes of making me more comfortable. Though in the end it was decided that going to the ER was the best choice. After some tests, Shelby transferred me to Dr. Dobson in Charlotte due to what they thought was a bowel obstruction. Although, on further observation from Dobson, it was a sluggish bowel/chronic ileus instead. My bowel, bladder, and digestive system have always been lazy due to my Cerebral Palsy and as I get older all these areas have worsened which is the cause of the majority of medical problems I am experiencing.

In the past few months I have dealt with a lot of fluid retention, but my physicians have been unsure of the cause. However, when Dr. Dobson examined my case he said my fluid was from my system being sluggish, which made things back up. For the first four days of being hospitalized I was on a no fluid/drink regiment. Thankfully, that helped things move along better and I’m now able to tolerate solids. Although I am still experiencing pain and nausea, that is something I will continue to have from time to time. I will forever have G.I. issues and these flare ups could happen more often, but all we can do is manage the symptoms in the best way possible.

I do not expect a cure all at this point but it is very discouraging to hear that nothing can be done except what we have already been doing. This comes from the doctor who is always so optimistic and a doer. When I was in the hospital for six weeks a couple of years ago he never gave a negative prognosis even when things were terminal, which means there really is “no easy fix,” for this as Dobson stated.

Thanks be to God though that resting my system for almost a week and getting iv meds and fluids have helped. Now,mmpi pray things can be maintained with the meds I have been given. I am supposed to follow up with my G.I. doctor soon to see if he has any further recommendations.

On a brighter note, God has been giving me little gems of encouragement each day. He continues to remind me that He knows and sees me. One of those occurrences happened last Thursday. In the ambulance being transported from a Shelby to Charlotte, I prayed for God to give me an understanding and compassionate nurse — specifically a nurse I knew from previous stays at CMC-Mercy named Maime. I knew that probably wouldn’t happen because I did not know if she still worked there plus this was a large hospital with many nurses/doctors. However, after arriving and taken to my room, guess who walked in to be my nurse?? Maime. Tears filled my eyes and I immediately sent thanks and praise to Jesus, and told Maime she was an answer to prayer — literally. That was the evidence my heart needed to confirm I was where I was supposed to be and that God saw and understood me in my circumstances.

During my hospital stay lots of visitors came which no matter how bad I felt brought encouragement. Just having some of my close friends and family laughing and talking around me ministered to my soul deeply. I love being around people and even though I wasn’t able to talk much on certain days or if I fell asleep while you were there (Sorry Becky…ha!)! Also, God displayed His love to me yet again through my parents. The entire time I was there, one if not both of them were with me, and one always stayed at night. Their love and sacrifice in caring for me on a daily basis is humbling and I cannot ever thank them enough. Love you mom and dad! Y’all are my favorites and I’m so glad God gave me you as parents.

Having health issues is hard, but God has surrounded me with the right medical staff at the hospital and now at home through my Hospice nurses Jodie and Jill. I have not known them for long but they have stepped in so gracefully to do what needed to be done. The month of April and the beginning of May have been extra hard because it seemed we had hit a dead end wall, but the Lord carried me through and provided the help I needed and did so in ways I did not expect.

I want to encourage you that no matter how hard life can be God will give strength you did not know you were capable of . One of my favorite verses has always been Nehemiah 8:10 which states, “Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” This is a verse that I’ve often used and heard over the years, but take forgranted its meaning. However, lately God has reminded me that no matter how bad my day is or how sick I feel, I have no reason to wallow in my grief and despair.

Instead of grieving, we need to surrender each moment to the Lord and He will always give us the strength to face whatever is in front of us, and His joy will shine through.

That same joy is also how God allows me to “hope a little more” with each day that comes my way.

Thanks again for all of your prayers and encouragement. I will be posting more as I feel like it in the next week. I hope you all enjoy the Memorial Day weekend and that God gives you the refreshment you need.

Articles, Christian Living, Devotionals, Disability, Family, Reading

Hospice…the Word I never thought I would be happy to hear…Hospice

Last week started out as any other week, but the last few days have been a whirlwind for me (So sorry for the long post that is ahead..ha!) As many of you know I have been receiving home health care and palliative to help for my chronic bladder infections. However, over time instead of getting better the infections have gotten progressively worse, and the weaker I have become. Being housebound and bedbound has been a challenge and over the last couple of months I have retained a lot of fluid –so much fluid that it makes it hard for me to move well.

When I visited my urology PA in Charlotte two weeks ago she did not do anything except keep me on the same plan the infectious disease doctor had me on. Because my bladder situation is so rare and complicated it seems we have reached the point of treating the infections until sadly they cannot be treated anymore. We have went to other physicians in the state for advice, but Dr. K in Charlotte is the most qualified for my case. Therefore, we have exhausted all other avenues for help unless Dr. K has a better solution in October, but that seems unlikely.

I have great respect for Dr. Love who is my former palliative doctor and now my General Practitioner, and her nurses Debbie and Amy. A long time ago Dr. Love and I had a discussion about Hospice and I told her to be honest and tell me if she ever thought I needed hospice care. She assured me she would, and last Wednesday following a visit from her nurses, they called and told me they thought hospice would be the best plan for me at the moment.

As mentioned earlier, over the last couple of months I have retained a large amount of fluid and have become significantly weaker. Because of this and other reasons, it would be best for me to have nurses visit me a couple times a week to moniter the fluid, the infections, and my pain. Hospice can do this in ways that palliative and home health cannot, and are able to consult with their physicians and mine to determine what needs to be done for me on a day to day basis. They are also able to take regular urine cultures, prescribe meds, and do blood work and such all at my house which is very helpful right now. It is our goal that Hospice will help me build up some strength and recuperate. I could be discharged in a couple months or stay on as long as I need them.

Whether it be a few months or years I am so thankful to have their assistance right now. It has been such a blessing. I never thought I would be glad to hear the word hospice in regards to me, but even in the short time of receiving their care, they have helped so much. They truly do desire to make the patient comfortable. I am already receiving medicine and supplies from them including a new wheelchair. My sweet nurses Jodie and Jill have been so good to work with and patiently answers all of our questions. So many (myself included), hear the word hospice and automatically think of death or end of life care. While that can be true they can also provide respite and recuperation for cases like mine. Realistically my situation could be terminal and could go in that direction at anytime. However, thankfully the current antibiotic treatment I’m on is working right now and my prayer is that different treatments will help me for a long time to come. Regardless of what I need in the future, I’m thankful to have the specific care from hospice that I have today.

My family and I have been praying for the help that I have needed, and the Lord has so graciously answered those prayers through Hospice. Even though this is the right next step for my health I will miss all my sweet nurses from Healthy at Home. Ya’ll have been in my life and home for two years and I will be forever grateful for your care. I love each of you and will greatly miss the joy and the laughter you brought my way on the bad days.

I do not know what my future holds or how much longer I will be on this earth. None of us can ever really know those details but chronic/terminal illness has a way of making you realize what is truly important in life. Lately, I have been reminded of that more than ever and it has brought me closer to Jesus.

My view these days are what I can see from the hospital bed located in my bedroom and for the longest time I thought that limited my view but with open hands and an open heart the Lord has changed my perspective and shown me how to find all the beauty and joy I need from right here. Even in these hard circumstances God has continued to show me His goodness and has challenged me to continue to have courage and wait and lean on Him. Psalm 27:13-14 says it perfectly:

“I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.Wait for the Lord;
Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord.”

Thanks again for all the prayers. They mean the world and encourage me so much. This has been a hard few days because my treatment regiment for pain is being changed. Lots of pain, nauesea, and swelling but until my body is adjusted I will be having more pain than usual. Pray that the doctors and nurses continue to have wisdom to know how to make me comfortabe and that I will gain strength each day. While we are thankful for Hospice, it is still sad to know that I need their help. No one wants to need Hospice, so please pray for continued peace for my heart and mind. Stay tuned to the blog for future updates. Also, I will continue to write about my study of the book of Nehemiah throughout the summer, so be on the lookout for that!

I hope everyone is having a wonderful Wednesday!

Articles, Blog Series, Christian Living, Disability, The View Looks Fine From Here, Uncategorized

The View a Looks Fine From Here – The Struggle is Real

Hey friends. Normally I post about Nehemiah on Thursdays but I’m a bit behind this week so I only posted once. Hopefully, I can post on both days again starting Tuesday of next week. To read the one from this week posted on Tuesday visit here.

It’s one of those Thursdays —actually make that weeks! As the popular phrase goes, “the struggle is real.” That should be the theme of my life these days. The title of this series is titled, “The View Looks Fine From Here,” and the only view I have had this week has been from my bed. I read the verse from Psalm 128:24 which states,

“This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.”

However, we all have days where we do not “feel” like rejoicing, and that has been me this week. I have slept and felt woozy for the last few days because of a new medication.

Monday, I started taking s muscle relaxer for my spasticity from Cerebral Palsy. I’ve always had problems with that but it has been worse since I have been sick this past year. Spasticity makes my muscles extremely tight and painful, and lately I have not been able to relax or sleep well because of it. Thankfully, on Monday during my visit with Kim Gaither (Urology PA), she noticed how severe it was and is referring me to a new neurologist to help with that. However, in the meantime, she gave me a muscle relaxer that is supposed to work well with CP. And it is working but it is making me sleep a lot and I feel like a zombie…ha! Although today I realized that the medicine has helped, and for now the side effects are worth it. I had been praying for less pain and more sleep and God has answered those prayers so instead of complaining about the negative aspects, I was convicted that I need to be thankful. It has brought much pain relief for me and I’m truly grateful for that. Praise Jesus. Hopefully as I continue to take it the side effects will become less, but for now I’m glad for the ways it is helping.

Thanks again for all of your thoughts, prayers, and encouraging words. God uses them to fill my days with joy!

Articles, Christian Living, Disability, Family, Friendship, The View Looks Fine From Here, Uncategorized

Hope a Little More Part 2

In 2014, I wrote a post titled “Hope a Little More,” and now almost three years later it seems appropriate again. I wrote that post prior to a major surgery after finding out my colon had shut down. I honestly had no idea what to expect in the future. Fast forward two years later and I am finding myself in the same boat, but instead of my colon it is now my bladder that is causing me to have so many problems. I have been on antibiotics for almost a year now continually, and my infection went sepsis a month ago, and I am now on super strong treatments over the next couple of months.

On Monday, I went to Charlotte to see Dr. K’s (urologist) physicians assistant. Usually my time with her is not very productive and Monday’s visit was much of the same. However, she did tell me that she thought my options surgically were limited and that even if I had surgery that my quality of life from these infections would not improve. She also mentioned two other small options for treatment but those may not work either and I would have to wait for final decisions from Dr. K. Unfortunately, I am not scheduled to see him until October and no matter how many times I have tried they will not move up the appointment date.

The conclusion for now is that nothing else can really be done except to treat the infection until it cannot be treated anymore. The PA wants me to stay on my treatment plan with the Infectious Disease doctor and do what he says until I see Dr. K in October. Even though I knew this was most likely the case going in, and is something my parents and I have discussed many times, it is still hard to hear. No matter how prepared you are, no one wants to hear that nothing else can be done.

Currently, I am on an antibiotic treatment for two more months and then we will figure out the next treatment plan after that. Hopefully the one I am on now will continue to work well for the duration of the time I am on it, but it may not. The only thing we can do is keep doing what we are doing and pray, pray, pray! The main goal right now is to keep it from going sepsis again.

I am a planner by nature and I like to have a plan and timeline, but I have no idea how long we can make the treatments work or when the infection will get bad again. I have been reminded this week more than ever that I’m not the one in charge of my life, plans, or desires, but Jesus is. He alone knows what my future holds and my trust in Him is being pushed to another level. My dear friend Kristin texted earlier this week and said that I was going to get to know God in a unique and new way through this. She also mentioned that this is the type of surrender and trust that can only come from a situation like this –the kind we can only get when situations are completely forced out of our hands. She is right, and even though this week has been hard, God has continued to carry and give me hope with each new day.

One passage that has comforted me lately is Psalm 27:13-14 which states,

“I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would have seen the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord;Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord.”

Moving forward I am going to find the good in each day and enjoy the little things God brings my way. I will also allow His courage to carry me, and most importantly,

I will not lose hope because of Jesus. He is HOPE, and it my privilege to serve Him all of my days.

As one of my favorite songs from “For King and Country” says,

“I will dance a little, laugh a little, and hope a little more.”

Thanks to everyone one for your continued prayers. Pray that the doctors have wisdom for future treatments and that this current round of treatment continues to work. Pray for my parents as they continue to care for me. I know it’s not easy for them!either so please pray for their encouragement. Also, pray that that we have peace beyond our understanding no matter the outcome, and that we are able to “hope a little more” each day. Thanks so much.

Articles, Disability, Family, The View Looks Fine From Here

The View Looks Fine From Here – Monday Happenings

Wow! I cannot believe it is May 1 already! Spring is flying by and soon we will be in the middle of summer. I am enjoying this weather though, and am looking forward to time in the pool when summer comes.

I hope you all had a lovely weekend. Mine was okay. The massive amounts of antibiotic treatments I take each day are wiping me out. I have not been sleeping well, but the past few nights I’ve been able to rest better — praise Jesus! The status of my health is steady. I’m still not feeling well and am extremely weak, but these antibiotics are keeping the infection from getting worse so I am thankful for that.

My weekend has been very relaxing. Along with sleep, I was finally able to finish some audiobooks that I had been listening to. On days where I feel the worst it is hard for me to read so audiobooks are now my favorite. Some of the ones I have recently finished are:

Cape Refuge by Terri Blackstock,

This Life I live by Rory Feek,

Murphy’s Law by Rhys Bowen,

Chloe by Lyn Cote

These are great reads and if you haven’t done so already, you should check them out. I will try to post some reviews soon.

The bright spot of my weekend was the weekly visit from my aunt Ellen and her granddaughter Lexi. Lexi is just like a niece to me and I love the bond that we share. We have so much fun together, and Lexi and Mimi time always makes me feel better.

This morning I have an appointment with a nurse practitioner at my urology office in Charlotte. Every time I have seen my urologist in the past, I am required to see his nurse practitioner first. However, nothing is ever accomplished at these visits. Basically the purpose of this appointment is for paperwork and logistics. Kim (the NP) usually very briefly discusses my case and then tells me I will have to wait and see what Dr. Kinnelly says at the next appointment. The sad part is that I do not have an appointment scheduled with him until October. I am on a cancellation wait list though, and keep praying for an earlier spot to open up. I have no expectations for today’s visit, but in order for me to keep my appointment in October, I have to go to this one. I have been told over and over that I will not get to see Dr. K until October no matter what. Although, God is a God of the impossible so we shall see.

Sometimes I do not understand the world of medicine, especially the way Dr. K’s practice works. Although, even though they have not been urologists, I am thankful for the good medical staff God has put in my path over the last several months. It has not been easy but the Lord continues to protect and carry me through. Thanks to each of you for your continued prayers, encouraging notes, calls, and texts. Your support means the world to me!

“I thank God every time I remember you.” ~ Philippians 1:3

Articles, Blog Series, Christian Living, Disability, The View Looks Fine From Here

Rainy Days and Wednesdays ☔️

Happy Wednesday friends. It’s the middle of the week and I pray wherever you are that your week is going well. It is a rainy Wednesday here. I’ve been awake since 4am. I’m not getting much sleep these days due to pain and not being able to relax. I can definitely relate to the moms out there who have to be up all hours of the night. It is not fun but I’m hoping as the infections improve that I will start sleeping better. It’s only 11:30am and I feel like it’s already been a long day.

I had an appointment with the infectious disease doctor in Gastonia earlier today. Overall that went well. Last time he treated me with a one time dose of meds through the iv. This is a new drug that’s very powerful and it stays in your system 4-6 weeks. In addition,he also prescribed an extremely large dose of oral antibiotics each day. Overall, I am seeing some improvement so he is going to keep me on the same oral dose for three more months. These meds are harsh and hard on my system but if my infection stays down it’s worth it. Doing the infusion again soon is another option if I need it. While it is good these meds are working, I eventually will be resistant and they will have to do something else. Once I go off meds it is guaranteed the infection will return. Basically it will always be there but the meds help control it. I see a urology nurse practitioner in May and then the urologist in October. My case is so complicated most doctors don’t want to treat my bladder issues. However, in October and maybe even May, I will know if surgery is an option or not. Hopefully these antibiotics will continue to help the infection and allow me to build my strength up. This summer my prayer is to be out of bed more and able to get in the pool each day, but we shall see.

I am trying to live with the attitude of gratitude today and so thankful for these small improvements. I still have a long road ahead but I’m so thankful for Jesus who carries me each step of the way.

When I am weak He is strong (2 Corinthians 12:9).

Thanks again to all of my prayer warriors who daily lift me up to the Father. It means the world to me and my family!

Articles, Books, Christian Living, Devotionals, Disability, The View Looks Fine From Here

This is My Africa – The View Looks Fine from Here

This past weekend has been a humbling one, and I needed this timely reminder of what Jesus has done for me.

No matter how many trials I face, there is nothing He does not understand due to His death and resurrection. Instead of complaining about my current season, I realized that I am so undeserving of the Lord’s grace and love. He deserves all my praises not just when life is good but in the sufferings as well. It doesn’t matter how unfaithful we are, the Lord is always faithful to us. His love knows no end. Certain circumstances may make it difficult for us to view life from this perspective, but the Lord uses all things — joys as well as sorrows — for His glory.

As Philippians 1:21 states, “To live is Christ and to die is gain.” It should be my privilege to serve and rejoice in Christ on a daily basis despite the struggles I face. I may never know the reasons God allows me to suffer in this life but I will understand when I get to Heaven and that is all the explanation I need.

The Lord never stops working in our lives no matter how hard some days can be. Because of my chronic infections, I spend the majority of my days at home laying in my hospital bed. This allows me a lot of time to read, pray, and dwell on both the struggles and joys of life. On my sickest days I tend to worry and fret about what is to come and create many “what-if” scenarios in my mind (I think we have all been guilty of this at some point). Last week in my pondering I told God,

“Lord if I were healthy, I would be serving you in Africa or somewhere overseas. If I could, and if I were healthy just think of all the ministries I would be involved with?”

Then the Lord hit me hard with His response. After thinking and praying, I felt the Lord say,

“Amelia, you said you would be willing to go anywhere and do anything for me so how about living fully right where you are? This is where I want you and am using you for my glory. This is your ministry. I am using you more here than I would be using you in Africa because you are not meant for Africa — You are meant for here. This is your Africa. So child, be obedient to me and share what I am teaching you during this season.”

Wow, what a wakeup call from King Jesus. While overseas ministries are much needed, and working in a church Ministry full-time would be wonderful, God is showing me once again that I can be in ministry for Him even from a hospital bed. This is not what I had in mind by the time I was 32, but this is where God has me. Therefore, I desire to be obedient and make the best of the life He has given. As scripture points out, God often uses our weaknesses for His strength.

You may not be dealing with health issues but I know we all have our trials. I want you to be encouraged that God is using you even on the worst of days. He loves you more than you can imagine so continue to press into Him, and allow Him to work.

Throw out your expectations and desires. Instead, surrender to what the Lord has for you. Only then will you be content.

Let go of the pride or whatever is holding you back. It may not be easy but the Lord will carry you.

It is my desire to write more and share what God is teaching me in what I would call the most mundane of circumstances. However, beauty and joy can be found in the mundane so I look forward to sharing with you more of my journey in a series called “The View Looks Fine From Here.”

Also, thanks to all my prayer warriors who are praying for me daily. It means the world to me. I have an appointment with my infectious disease doctor tomorrow so I will post more details following that. I hope everyone has a great day!

Articles, Christian Living, Devotionals, Disability

Monday Update

Happy Monday,ya’ll, and what a Monday it has been. I had an appointment this morning at my general practitioner. However, when I woke today I knew I would not be going anywhere. I felt bad all over with pain, nausea, and fever. As sad as it has made me to think this — all signs were leading toward infection, infection, infection. In perfect timing my doctor called right after that and said the urine culture taken last week was positive. This means that following a two week dose of super strong antibiotics both iv and oral, my bladder grew the same bacteria again. Basically the infection never totally went away. The treatments worked well enough to get it out of my blood stream but did not eradicate it completely. My GP decided to treat it with an oral antibiotic for the next couple of days, but in the end I will probably need something a bit stronger. The bacteria I am growing is extremely resistant and one of the most difficult ones to treat. I called my infectious disease doctor but he is not in this week. However, I have an appointment with him next Monday and I am praying that this antibiotic will control things until then.

If I am being honest today has been a bit heartbreaking. I knew another infection would come around but I did not want it to be so soon. As I have spent the day praying and crying out to God for wisdom and help, He reminded me of this verse found in Psalm 147 – “The Lord heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” As hard as today has been God has not left my side. He knows better than anyone how I am feeling, and in the midst of my suffering He gives me a comfort that only He can. He is carrying me through each moment. As I say often, the Lord knows my love language and encourages me in ways that no other person ever could.

I don’t know what you are facing today but I know that life can be so hard, and that I am not the only one going through trials. There are many things we may not understand on this earth, but take heart that God is with you and He will give you peace beyond all understanding. Cry out to Him. Tell Him what you are feeling, and talk to Him like you would your best friend. He is the Great Physician and He can make the impossible possible.

I want to say thank you once again to those of you who have been praying me through this journey. That means more than you will ever know! Over the next few days as you think of it please pray that this antibiotic responds well and that I do not go sepsis again. Also, pray for me and the doctors to have wisdom in regards to future treatments. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I would love to pray for you as well so please let me know how you need prayer.

I will update again soon and hope you all have a great week.

Articles, Christian Living, Devotionals, Disability

The Great Surrender

The past couple of weeks have been some of the most difficult of my life. I am continually keeping a bladder infection, and the latest one landed me in the hospital by going sepsis. Sepsis has been a fear of mine since having these infections. I have continually prayed against that, but praise God it was caught in time and was treatable. However, I am still very weak, and it is likely that another infection will be returning soon.

At the beginning of my hospital stay I was very worried, and still concerned. Although, after spending much time with the Lord, I have peace and my heart has a wonderful sense of freedom which only comes from Jesus. Worrying and fretting does not help my situation at all. The Lord has continually reminded me over the last several days of the tremendous weight that would be lifted off my shoulders by once again trusting Him. Why is it we tend to fight for control when Jesus says, “Let me carry this for you.” This is where suffering and faith meet — believing Jesus when healing is not guaranteed, believing Jesus on the days where there are absolutely no answers, believing Jesus when I cannot get the quick appointment with one of the only specialists in the state that is experienced enough to take my case, and believing Jesus when the only plan of attack is to treat each infection as they come knowing they will continue to come one after the other because there is no permanent cure, and believing Jesus when I no longer be homebound, but there is no visible end in sight.

This is my life right now and these are the struggles I bring to Jesus every single day. Without Jesus these trials would make me want to curl up in a ball and never come out again, and it is because of Jesus that I can honestly say today that I am free. Of course each day is still hard and I have to surrender these things anew every morning, but God has met me every single time. If I believe that God is who He says He is and I take the Bible at its Word, then even on the worst of days, I can still be 100% free because I am in Christ. By taking my position in Christ, I can walk through whatever comes my way. He will give me strength for the trials and a sense of joy that only comes from a surrendered life.

I may not know what is ahead for my health tomorrow, but I am finding solace in trusting in the great Physician who does. I have never felt so out of control or as in the dark about where my life is headed, but there is also freedom in that. I don’t need to worry about taking charge, or figuring out what is next because God has the ultimate control and there is nothing else I can do to change my circumstances. God only asks that I trust Him and allow Him to lead me.

Many of you have asked for a health update and I want to thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers. A few days ago I just finished a round of antibiotics and I am already having symptoms of the infection flaring up again. I had a test on Wednesday, but do not have the results yet. Unfortunately, I will not be able to see Dr. K (the urologist in Charlotte) until October even though many phone calls have been made. However, I do see his nurse practitioner in May. The plan for now is to continue to see my local doctor and my infectious disease doctors, and for them to treat my symptoms to the best of their knowledge. I do see my GP on Monday and then I see my ID the week after next. Today, I have been experiencing lots of pain and nausea so prayers for that to calm would be greatly appreciated. Also, prayers for wisdom for my local team of physicians would appreciated as well. I am humbled as to how many folks are praying for me. It means more than you will ever know.

I am going to try to post more frequently, and share what God is teaching me through this journey. While we are all facing different circumstances, I want my blog to be a place that will encourage you in whatever you may be walking through, and to remind you that you are not alone. My desire is for you to leave my blog encouraged by God’s truth and His Word, and for it to be a place to cheer each other on. I would love to hear your story as well and how I can be praying for you so if you feel led please comment and share.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend and stay tuned for more updates to come!