The past couple of weeks have been some of the most difficult of my life. I am continually keeping a bladder infection, and the latest one landed me in the hospital by going sepsis. Sepsis has been a fear of mine since having these infections. I have continually prayed against that, but praise God it was caught in time and was treatable. However, I am still very weak, and it is likely that another infection will be returning soon.

At the beginning of my hospital stay I was very worried, and still concerned. Although, after spending much time with the Lord, I have peace and my heart has a wonderful sense of freedom which only comes from Jesus. Worrying and fretting does not help my situation at all. The Lord has continually reminded me over the last several days of the tremendous weight that would be lifted off my shoulders by once again trusting Him. Why is it we tend to fight for control when Jesus says, “Let me carry this for you.” This is where suffering and faith meet — believing Jesus when healing is not guaranteed, believing Jesus on the days where there are absolutely no answers, believing Jesus when I cannot get the quick appointment with one of the only specialists in the state that is experienced enough to take my case, and believing Jesus when the only plan of attack is to treat each infection as they come knowing they will continue to come one after the other because there is no permanent cure, and believing Jesus when I no longer be homebound, but there is no visible end in sight.

This is my life right now and these are the struggles I bring to Jesus every single day. Without Jesus these trials would make me want to curl up in a ball and never come out again, and it is because of Jesus that I can honestly say today that I am free. Of course each day is still hard and I have to surrender these things anew every morning, but God has met me every single time. If I believe that God is who He says He is and I take the Bible at its Word,  then even on the worst of days, I can still be 100% free because I am in Christ. By taking my position in Christ, I can walk through whatever comes my way. He will give me strength for the trials and a sense of joy that only comes from a surrendered life.

I may not know what is ahead for my health tomorrow, but I am finding solace in trusting in the great Physician who does. I have never felt so out of control or as in the dark about where my life is headed, but there is also freedom in that. I don’t need to worry about taking charge, or figuring out what is next because God has the ultimate control and there is nothing else I can do to change my circumstances. God only asks that I trust Him and allow Him to lead me.

Many of you have asked for a health update and I want to thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers. A few days ago I just finished a round of antibiotics and I am already having symptoms of the infection flaring up again. I had a test on Wednesday, but do not have the results yet. Unfortunately, I will not be able to see Dr. K (the urologist in Charlotte) until October even though many phone calls have been made. However, I do see his nurse practitioner in May. The plan for now is to continue to see my local doctor and my infectious disease doctors, and for them to treat my symptoms to the best of their knowledge. I do see my GP on Monday and then I see my ID the week after next. Today, I have been experiencing lots of pain and nausea so prayers for that to calm would be greatly appreciated. Also, prayers for wisdom for my local team of physicians would  appreciated as well. I am humbled as to how many folks are praying for me. It means more than you will ever know.

I am going to try to post more frequently, and share what God is teaching me through this journey. While we are all facing different circumstances, I want my blog to be a place that will encourage you in whatever you may be walking through, and to remind you that you are not alone. My desire is for you to leave my blog encouraged by God’s truth and His Word, and for it to be a place to cheer each other on. I would love to hear your story as well and how I can be praying for you so if you feel led please comment and share.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend and stay tuned for more updates to come!